Letter to the Idiot Girl From the Gym

Dear Girl,

I apologize for such a cold address, but I never caught your name. It could be, perhaps, because I never asked for it, but let's pretend that I did and it was too hard for you to get through due to your inability to process simple concepts. I say this, not from a sense of entitled prejudice against blonde high schoolers, rather the actions – your actions – as I observed this evening.

Here's a tip: When you walk up to the backdoor of the apartment building's gym and the door doesn't open, because it is an exit-only door, might I suggest you walk the thirty feet to the other side of the room and enter through the front door, which is not only open, but is conveniently located at the front of the gym? I understand that you may have felt that your idea, repeatedly tapping on the glass until I, the only other person in the gym, got off of my stationary bike and walked over to the door to let you in, was a fantastic plan worthy of the patent office, however, I feel that under proper scrutiny, my proposal holds more water.

I write this letter not to judge, reprimand, or belittle you. Rather, I write this to bemoan your offspring. For, as we've all learned from the Theory of Evolution (also known as "Darwin's Magic Joke Book" at your local Pentecostal bookstore) your brood is likely to suffer in the "natural selection" lottery as they will, more than likely, die off in freak hammer-to-head and let's-see-how-long-I-can-poke-this-rabid-hyena accidents.

For them, I am truly sorry. For you, I am only slightly annoyed.

Well, I suppose not slightly. I am writing this letter after all.

Well-played, idiot girl. It appears that you, truly, have won.

Cody Melcher
(the guy on the stationary bike on the other side of the gym whom was watching a tv show on his phone and was thus able to pretend that he couldn't hear you for five minutes while you continued to stand there tapping on the glass with one finger as if the other door weren't plainly visible)

Update on Life

Hey Folks,

Things have been hectic (not exactly in a positive way), but this sudden maelstrom has brought about order from chaos, and as I piece things back together, I'm slowly gaining more control and understand about things around me. One thing, specifically:

I am going to save over $1,000 a year just by cancelling my cable. "How?" You ask. Here's how:

My case for leaving traditional Television: Cost of cable $100/mo Cost of iTunes TV show Season Pass: $30-$40/30 min or $40-$60/hr (Standard Def - HD). Cost of cable over average TV Season: $800-$1,000. Equal to 26-33 Half Hour & 20-25 Hour TV Shows. Considering I usually only TiVO/watch about 10 shows, (rough estimate of 6 half hour and 4 hour) I save $460-$660 a year (not incl. 2 mos outside normal TV season). On top of monetary savings, also gain mobility (Laptop, iPhone, iPad, Apple TV) as well as ownership of the TV Season (no need to purchase DVD after, i.e. savings now doubled). Not even including saving $13/mo on TiVo, which adds $104-$130 a season to savings. All-in-all, saving $790-$1,016 a year (not including a savings of $410 not purchasing DVDs of iTunes-purchased shows). I think the numbers speak for themselves. Sorry, Time Warner. Oh, and saving $25 a mo cancelling my Home Phone I never use. That's another $300/yr.

California Dreamin' (Part VII)

Hey Folks,

So wow, this is WAY overdue. It’s been almost a complete week since I saw Götterdammerung, the final chapter of Wagner’s Ring Cycle, and I’ve been promising to do a wrap-up since that very night. So, for dropping off of the planet, I apologize, but aren’t you proud of me for at least keeping this up pretty regularly? I mean, just scroll through my history on this blog and you’ll see my track record for longevity, so this is pretty “impressive” for me.

Anyway, Götterdammerung. I used to consider this my favorite of the Ring Cycle, because it mixes what I like most about opera and classical music as well as, I think, has the quintessential Wagnerian “BOOM” that his music is oft recognized as. However, after seeing all four, I have to say that Die Walküre is, by far, my favorite. That’s no slight against Götterdammerung at the LA Opera, at all, but rather the experience of Die Walküre was, for me, hard to beat. Götterdammerung was just as amazing as the rest of the Ring Cycle at the LA Opera. It’s hard to say anything new about it in my over-generalizing way (because there’s no reason to get too “techy” about it. If you’d like a true review of the LA Opera’s production, this would be a good place: http://likelyimpossibilities.blogspot.com). Götterdammerung was powerful, beautiful, and everything I expected it would be. As the apocalypse loomed, the production got even more Brechtian with the stage literally falling apart. I don’t want to give too much away about the ending, but it was awesome (in the traditional sense that little outside of post-post-modern Wagnerian operas can deliver). I feel like that’s all that I can really say about it, only that if you can, you really must go see it for yourself.

Now, a little more generic about my experience at the LA Opera and with the Ring Cycle. It was amazing, inspiring, and life-changing. Seriously. For as long as I’ve been listening to opera (I can’t even remember when I first heard Vesti la Giubba being sung by Herr Pavarotti, but I know I was in elementary school) Wagner’s Ring Cycle has been the pinnacle of what I consider majesty and beauty in music. I even plan on having a quote from Wagner: “Imagination Creates Reality” inscribed on my tombstone right above my own words: “What he said”. I’ve purposefully stayed away from all video of the Ring Cycle, because I’ve never wanted to taint the image until I could see it, and see it all, live and from the same company. To find that in LA, and to see what I consider one of the greatest artistic interpretations (from what I’ve seen in pictures and video since I have now allowed myself to look around) was revolutionary to me. AND, to see who I consider to be the world’s best Wotan, Vitalij Kowaljow, brought me to tears several times and I’m never ashamed to admit when art makes me emotional, because that’s what it’s for. Finally, to top it all off, because of Twitter, Jean Oelrich (I hope I got that right, sorry Jean!) from LA Opera contacted a bunch of the people that were tweeting about LA Opera’s Ring Cycle and got us together during the breaks of Götterdammerung, which brought the finale of my experience to an amazing end! Truly, truly, one of the greatest experiences of my life. Not only did I get to interact with fellow opera and Wagner lovers, which are rare in Austin, Texas and in the college crowd, but I got to meet the conductor, Maestro James Conlon, and director, Achim Freyer, who brought this dream to life. And all because of Twitter and Jean Oelrich. Joy can be so astounding sometimes.

The LA Opera “Twitterati”: L-R Jonathan Caves (@joncaves), Me (@EccentricGent), Katherine Talley (@KatherineTalley), Maestro Conlon, Philip Horvath (@philiphorvath), Charlise Tiee (@operatattler)

Myself and director Achim Freyer

So, now that The Ring is over… I’ve had to try and return to my normal life. However, this week, the LA Improv Festival has been happening down at iO LA, so I took two days off of work (thanks boss!) and went to a few workshops that were also very revolutionary. I’m still unsure as to where I’m heading, but now I have two very distinct tracts of either being a straight-out writer (performance secondary) or a performer (writing secondary) and that makes me feel a lot better. The workshops were great in both fields and I feel much more confident about my future either way. Amazing how Los Angeles has really been changing my life in huge strides and in only 4 weeks… Oh! And I meet Eric Stonestreet (Cameron from Modern Family) and Danny Pudi (Abed from Community). They taught two workshops I went to on Wednesday and they were great. Amanda Philipson also taught a voice over workshop on Thursday which made me really want to get into voice over work (apparently I have a very sincere voice that relates that I care, and I also have the same vocal range as the voice of Bravo TV. Interesting).

At the end of the week, it’s hard to imagine where I’m going from here, but at least I know that I’m ready for it. I also need to work on not using the word “amazing” so often. If someone would like to count how many times it’s used in this post, please let me know. Hope you all are enjoying yourselves as much as I have been (enjoying myself… not you. Not that I don’t enjoy you, it just sounds a little naughty).

le grá,

Cody

California Dreamin' (Part VI)

Wow, so much has happened since Wednesday, I almost feel like I need to split this up into two posts, however, I want to talk about it before it all becomes too old. In saying that, I apologize for the length of this post, but I tried to include pretty pictures for the magazine readers out there. First, on Thursday night, I saw the third installment in Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen (Ring Cycle), Siegfried. And let me say, with each opera, the LA Opera is raising the bar. I can’t even imagine what will happen tonight, with Götterdämmerung, but I’m excited.

Siegfried is a much happier, more uplifting and playful opera than the rest of the cycle, and it showed in the titular character through the superb acting of John Treleaven. The music was as powerful as the exuberant joy that shone through his movements and smile. However, I still have to say that my favorite, though this has always been my favorite part in the Ring Cycle, is Vitalij Kowaljow as Wotan, or as he’s known in Siegfried, The Wanderer. Wotan’s deep bass has always brought the power of the Ring Cycle to my heart, and Kowaljow is, in my opinion, the best Wotan I’ve ever heard. I may be limited in my exposure, as I’ve only heard recorded versions of the Ring, this being the first time I’ve ever seen my favorite operas live and in person, but Kowaljow brings a presence to the voice that rocks the very theatre. I find myself forgetting to breathe as I watch Wotan command the stage just as well as he commands the heavens.

I could go on forever about this production, but I’ll save that for the post on tonight’s Götterdämmerung, which is still my favorite opera in the whole Cycle, though as you know, LA Opera’s Die Walküre almost changed that. Now, verging on creating too long a post, the following day I went to work to find out that I was to travel around the city delivering things to studios and offices. I wasn’t exactly phased, as I felt it would be nice to get out and explore the city a bit and not be cramped in the office. The “amazing” part of this came when I found out where I was going. WB Studios, Ellen Offices, Culver Studios, FOX, agencies, etc. were my destinations and I finally got that “giddy” feeling one gets when they come to LA to see the stars and feel connected to the movies. I even got a drive-on pass to the Warner Brothers Lot (pictured below), where I, subsequently, got lost for half an hour and ended up in a movie set somewhere. Still, great experience.

That night, my friend Larissa asked me to join her for a screening of Killers, the new Kutcher/Heigl romcom (romantic comedy for the non-film majors), at her place of work. I was not exactly entering the theater with high expectations, as I’ve never particularly enjoyed Kutcher or romcoms. However, I was pleasantly surprised. Though the pair were very good together, what made this movie was the comedy and the supporting cast. Heigl’s parents were played by Tom Selleck and Catherine O’Hara, two actors whom I love in everything they do, and the rest of the cast was rounded out with former MADTV and Daily Show cast members. Really, if you even slightly enjoy a romcom or just want a good time or a date movie, then Killers is a recommendation I would give.

And that was just Friday. Saturday, I woke up and had lunch with Chris Baty, the Founder and Executive Director of the Office and Letters & Light, better known for their annual National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). He was an amazing guy, brilliant, insightful and genuine. Our conversation lead me to thinking a lot about my own work and even spurred me to want to get back into some avenues I hadn’t considered in some time. I HIGHLY encourage you to check out what they do and consider adding your own help or ideas to their pool. They truly are fantastic people who do inspiring work.

http://www.lettersandlight.org/

Finally, Saturday night, I went to the Downtown Comedy Club. OH, that’s right, I forgot to tell you that Thursday morning I actually accidentally bumped into Garrett Morris (pictured below), original SNL cast member, best known for his Director of the School for the Hard of Hearing bit, at my apartment’s gym. He gave me his business card and told me he does the Downtown Comedy Club on Fridays and Saturdays, so I decided to check it out and hopefully get to know him better. Sadly, he got sick Saturday, but I stuck around and watched everything from the open mic to the main events. The open mic was probably the weakest and bluest (meaning crass) open mic I’ve ever seen, but it gave me a bit more confidence in my own idea to try getting back into stand up, and knowing how accepting that venue is, I may even do it as soon as while I’m still in LA. We’ll see. However, the rest of the acts were very good and I left feeling great.

So, that’s it for this last weekend. I’ll be back soon with a post on Götterdämmerung and a general overview of the majesty and wonder that is the Ring Cycle. Hope you all enjoyed your weekend as much as I did.

le grá,

Cody

California Dreamin' (Part V)

Hey Folks,

So, wow, it's been a whirlwind few days. I went from bored and nothing to do to not even having enough time to get my laundry done. I don't know exactly what happened to all of my time, but it was fun losing it.

On Sunday, I went and took a magic lesson from a local LA magician through the Magic Castle. It was sort of slow and I basically only learned about two tricks and a couple of shuffles. It was a good start off into trying to get back into magic, but I don't think I'll be taking more lessons. He was a good teacher, but I don't have the time or funds. After that, I went to a seminar at the Magic Castle, to nail the point home that I learned more in a free seminar, and while I was waiting to go into the seminar, guess who sits down next to me? Mallory Lewis, of Lamb Chop fame (see previous post). We got to talking a bit, and she told me some pretty funny stories of behind the scenes and her travels, etc. The one thing I'll say here is that, apparently, all you have to do to wash Lamb Chop is take off the buttons and eyes and pop her in a washing machine.

After the seminar, I rushed over to the second opera in Wagner's Ring Cycle at the LA Opera. This was Die Walküre, and while I do love this particular opera, who doesn't like "Ride of the Valkyries"?, I've never considered it my favorite of the four operas in the Cycle. However, after this production, starring Placido Domingo as Siegmund, I may rethink that. It was stunning and I'll admit I wept at the end. It all began when Wotan, lord of the gods, casts his favorite daughter, Brunnhilde, out of the heavens for betraying his word, even though she insists she was being true to his heart. The exact moment was when Brunnhilde went to hold him and, at the very last moment, he moved away. She collapsed to the ground and he slowly walked away, one step at a time, then turned back and returned to her side. He outstretched his hand to just half a foot above her head, then turned away again... I was a wreck.

And that wrapped up Sunday. Monday started off slow, then with a text from a friend, we headed off down the road to the LA Zoo. As it was Memorial Day, the zoo was packed, so we decided to try our luck at finding the Hollywood sign. And thus began the more touristy day of my LA experience. We found the sign, got our necessary pictures, and then proceeded on to Hollywood Blvd where I took way too many pictures of random celebrity stars on the sidewalk.

After eating at the "famous" Mel's Diner, we returned to the apartment complex where I met up with some other friends and hung out at the hot tub for awhile. From the hot tub, we decided to go to the infamous Dimple's karaoke bar. It was a blast and, as I found out, they actually video record your first song... which, for me, was the Blues Brothers' SOUL MAN. So, that will be posted later. Also at Dimple's that night, for the Bravo watchers, was the Millionaire Matchmaker and her crew, which made my friend Melissa go crazy with excitement.

And that wraps up my Memorial Day weekend. I continued the fun into Tuesday, and today was my first day of work. I'll tell more later, but for now, you've got the skinny. Hope you all are enjoying yourselves even more than I.

le grá,
Cody

California Dreamin' (Part IV)

Hey Folks,

So, sorry for the delay in posting. The first few days it was due to lack of adventure and excitement, then it got busy. Well, I'm finally settling in, starting to get to know people, and it's becoming a little bearable out here. I had a day of weakness where I felt bored and tired of this whole LA game, but I'm giving it another shot.

On that day, I worked and attended a panel of television and web television executives and writers who basically had one consensus: "Don't bother getting into TV. You'll work your ass off for nothing and then the medium will die anyway." So, that was a lovely way to start off my time trying to get into TV in LA. Though I understand, and partially agree, with where they're coming from, my plans don't exactly take me down that same route, so I'm trying to keep my spirits alive.

Speaking of spirits alive, the one really awesome and amazing thing that I've been able to be a part of is the Magic Castle out here in LA.

The Magic Castle is a dinner and show club for magicians and their associates to go out and have some drinks, enjoy the company of other magicians, and see a few shows that rotate in and out of the club. I recently became a Magician Member of the Castle, due to my work in magic when I was younger. Last night, I went with my friend Samantha and, after enjoying a lovely meal, she and I went to the main showroom and got to see a childhood favorite of mine, Lamb Chop, with her creator's daughter, Mallory Lewis. It was a funny show, very vaudevillian in style with jokes intertwined with musical numbers, and I was impressed by her abilities. She wasn't as good at looking like she wasn't talking as her mother was, but she had much more variety to her act, being able to have both of them talk at the same time, singing, etc. It was great fun, and a real treat to see Lamb Chop live.

One of the acts along with Lamb Chop was a British card magician who was amazing. He was quick, witty, and brilliant with his act. One of the greatest card acts I'd ever seen. He, single-handedly, got me back into card magic, and so I've added that to my list of "To Do" while in LA this summer, now making the list:

1. Get in shape
2. Start painting again (I need a relaxing hobby)
3. Finish out my Netflix instant watch (it's gotten huge)
4. Write a novel (well, this is more for by the end of the year)
5. Narrow-down career options (easier said than done)
6. Relearn magic and become better at it (if only to impress people at bars)

So, this is already looking like an exciting summer ahead. I only hope I actually stick to all (or most) of this and don't wuss out like I sometimes do. I'll keep you updated. In the meantime, Labor Day weekend's coming up. I hear some people are going to the beach, I might tag along. What are you going to be doing?

le grá,
Cody

California Dreamin' (Part III)

Hey Folks,

So today was a pretty slow day. I woke up pretty early and just watched some TV, then I decided to get up and read my little "welcome to your apartment" packet. In it, I found out some pretty interesting things, like how to do laundry, where the nearest shops are, oh, and that I have asbestos in my ceiling.

For those of you unfamiliar with asbestos, according to the little "welcome" packet: "asbestos is a chemical known to the state of California to cause cancer." That's right. And it's in my ceiling. It also tells me that if I accidentally start knocking stuff off the ceiling that I need to tell them. The problem is, while moving in yesterday, I was putting stuff away in the built-in cupboard and brushed a bunch of the ceiling off with some pillows I was shoving into the top shelf. So, I walk over to the office to inform them of my imminent demise and see if it's possible for me to get a discount on my room if I'm to die partway through my stay. The guy at the front desk tells me that I should be fine as long as I don't poke actual holes into my ceiling or... and get this... I don't eat any of the little chips from the ceiling. As if I, a grown ass adult, would go "What are these, paint chips? Well, don't mind if I just try one for a little snack. Oooh, it tastes like cancer. Delicious." Who does he think I am, Ralph Wiggum?

Anyway, so, I spent the rest of the day sort of wandering around the complex, enjoying the weather in Los Angeles (warm, but with a gentle breeze, as opposed to Austin's stale with a gentle microwave). Then, I wasted away the rest of the day watching Mean Girls on TBS, Facebook stalking people, and trying to force myself to write an overdue script. All-in-all, could have been more productive, but it's the summer, so screw me.

That's pretty much all for today, it was slow and relatively boring, and sadly tomorrow will be as well. I don't actually start doing stuff until Monday when I meet with the personal trainer to find out how sexy I'll become and then go on a few studio tours. However, I'll leave you with this passing point of interest:

Yesterday, as I exited the freeway to get to my apartment, I passed a Junior Achievement center. What this is is a group that basically gets professionals and connects them with kids in schools to teach them about the business world as a way of preparing them. Sort of reversing the "take your child to work" system, and bringing work to the kids. However, what was odd about this Junior Achievement center was that it was located in an isolated area off the freeway, on its own side street, away from everything else except: a mortuary and cemetery. That's right, this center that's supposed to help inspire children to great heights in their futures is, literally, surrounded by death. What a great motivator. "Alright, Billy, you wanna succeed in life or do you wanna end up like one of them?! Dead?! No, no apple juice! Juice is for closers!"

Well, goodnight folks, hope you enjoyed your Saturday.

le grá,
Cody

California Dreamin' (Part II)

Hey Folks,

So, I finally made it over and moved into my apartment, and I have to say, the complex itself is actually pretty nice. It's literally (and I mean literally) across the street from the Warner Brothers studio. If I had a better view (and not of the grassy area where everyone takes their dogs out) I could see the iconic water tower. The complex has two gyms, two pools, two sets of tennis and volleyball courts, laundry a convenience store on premises, everything I could really need. They even have personal trainers, which I may take advantage of when I get my work schedule, as one of my main goals for this summer is to get in shape.

While the complex is nice, however, the apartment leaves one to want... well, more the interior decoration does. Everything is wood with grey/dark green/brown tones. The couch looks like a less exciting houndstooth and even the lamp is grey/brown. The only two pictures in the main room are a large one over the couch of sundown behind a wooded area with large birds (pelicans?) flying by and another smaller one on the adjacent wall of a... cowboy. Yes, a cowboy on a horse in front of a half-dead tree. The decor of the apartment makes me feel like I'm staying in a roadside lodge outside of Dallas more than in the middle of Burbank, California. I tried my best to add some color, but the blandness of the room seems to suck it all away... we'll see if I can change that as I live here over the next two months. At least there's not a picture of something/somebody staring at me.

The other odd part of the apartment is my bed. It's a studio apartment, one room (aside from the bathroom) but the bed is a murphy bed. For those unfamiliar with the 1960s/70s, a murphy bed is a bed that you pull out of the wall. Now, while most murphy beds go up into the wall and then have doors that you close on it to make it appear to be a closet, my decorator decided to, instead, slap a giant Queen-sized mirror on the bottom of it, making the bed both surprising and heavy. I can see what they tried to do. By having a mirror there, you're basically doubling the size of a relatively size apartment (in appearance). It makes the room look larger and has the added bonus of giving you a full-length mirror.

The downsides of this mirror are two: First of all, the weight of the bed does not allow it to be closed up into the wall entirely, meaning that the top sort of leans forward a bit. Because of this, the mirror is tilted down and creates this freaky sideshow effect of making you appear shorter in it. It's a little off-putting. Even more off-putting is the fact that positioned immediately opposite of the mirror when the bed is up, is the couch. And next to the bottom of the bed/mirror is the television. Meaning that while you're sitting on the couch watching television, out of the corner of your eye is a reflection of you sitting on the couch watching television. And let me tell you, it's unnerving. I have yet to have guests over, but I know this would become one of those things where you start talking to them THROUGH the mirror and never actually turn to look at each other. I thank God my apartment at home isn't set up this way or dating would be impossible, nonetheless real social interaction of any kind.

But, all in all, the place is very nice. Much better than I was expecting. I'm sure I'll update with some more things about it, but you've read enough about it for now. Hope you all are enjoying your summers.

le grá,
Cody

California, Here I Come (Part I in the California Dreamin' Cycle)

Hey Folks,

I swear, I'm still alive, and I hope this is enough proof. So, this last semester got away from me and I became far too busy. This summer won't be different, I'm working at a television festival... in Los Angeles. I'll do my best to update throughout the summer, if only to burn some steam from working, and to update friends and family so I don't have to talk to you all individually (it's tiring).

How did I get to Los Angeles, you ask? I drove. Over 1600 miles in two days, actually. For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (twitter.com/EccentricGent), I leave you with the details of my trip in digestible 140 character blurbs. Enjoy and talk to you soon.



California, here I come.
Only 8 hours 'til New Mexico. We'll see how "new" it really is.
I hope I remembered to pack underwear. That could get awkward.
Oh no! It's the Marshall! I hope that he does not know it is I, Codido!
Almost in Abilene. I'm sure they'll appreciate me stopping by. I doubt they get many visitors... on purpose.
So this is Abilene... These poor, poor Abilenians. So sad.
Wow, standstill traffic in ABILENE?! There better be a big effing wreck at the end of this. Like, I expect bodies to be littering the road.
Nope, there's only one lane on the highway and we're ALL behind a street cleaner... Seriously Abilene? This is why nobody likes you.
We're going so slow, a bird seriously just landed on my hood.
Finally out of Abilene! Next stop: Lubbock... That should be slightly less crappy.
School's out for summer! http://twitpic.com/1p72ok
For those of you worried about my map-reading skills, we have Chekhov at Nav. http://twitpic.com/1p744w
Windmills! Come, Sancho! We ride!
Proof of giants! http://twitpic.com/1p79jf
Almost ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere! Pulled into a gas station in Post, TX just as it hit E. What a "charming" town this is...
Beggars can't be choosers.
The gas station that saved my life. Why yes, it did have roaches. http://twitpic.com/1p7s2h
Oh, hello Lubbock. Fancy seeing you here.
Lubbock has an airport? And it's international? Hnh, go figure.
I am now in a city literally named New Deal. FDR would be proud.
Now I'm in Happy, TX. And, no, I'm not.
Now in Amarillo... There's a dangerous lack of yellow here.
Stopping off at Whataburger before I leave Texas.
Oh God... I'm passing a meat plant...
Damn, I could win a Congressional Medal of Honor for all of the insects I've killed with my windshield today.
Goodbye Texas, I hardly knew ye.
Hello "New" Mexico. The sun is already brighter.
Driving long distance is a good metaphor for life. At the beginning, you're excited to get out & explore, Midway through you're an old pro, And towards the end you just want to get it over with.
Holy crap! I just passed the burned out shell of an 18 Wheeler.
Passing over Santa Rosa for Albuquerque. I can go the distance!
13 hours later, I am in Albuquerque, NM for the night. Thank you all for putting up with me. Sorry for the flood.
Got to sleep at 2:30, then some asshole called my hotel room at 4AM. Oh well, off to California!
"Strong winds may exist." Well, I suppose it's possible.
Goodbye "New" Mexico. I've seen newer Mexicos.
Hello Arizona. I have no jokes about your name, but I see you don't allow parking. http://twitpic.com/1pfukc
Being from Texas, you'd think I wouldn't be thrown off by a lane specifically for vehicles with livestock. You'd be wrong.
How bored am I? I just considered getting off the highway to see "The World's Largest Petrified Tree"
Quick stop in Flagstaff (and I mean quick. Have you seen Flagstaff?) and now I'm back on the road.
Just went from 80 to 45. It feels like time has stopped.
CALIFORNIA
Made it. In two days. Mark it, Dude.
My hotel room has a balcony door, but no balcony. Are they trying to tell me something?

Update! I'm alive!

Hey Folks,

So, I know, it's been quite awhile since I've been on here. I could promise to change this, but I'm a college student and I think we all understand that I can keep saying I'll post here more, but it probably won't happen anytime soon. For those of you that actually read this thing, my apologies.

As an update to what I'm up to creatively, it's a lot:

I was drafted to write a murder mystery comedy play, which was co-written with my friend Sandra Khalil, which will go up at the University of Texas in April. It's called "The Dame's Dramatic Demise -OR- Intrigue at the Bellmont Palace". While it's not my best work, as it was written quickly, I'm still happy with how it turned out and it definitely reflects what is slowly becoming my "style". It's crazy to think that I'm actually sort of developing one, but the next proves that I am...

I also wrote a parody script for a stage adaptation of Ed Wood's infamous PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE. It's called PLAN 9 FROM OUTER STAGE.

It definitely has much of the same humor from Dame's Demise, but is more personal, as I wrote it wholly on my own. This same type of humor can also be found in my older stuff, as I've been rewatching, but it's definitely gotten more refined.

Something that I was proud of, personally, was being able to work in my trademark raccoon to both scripts. It's actually getting a pretty sizable laugh in the Dame's Demise, which is nice. I may have to keep continuing that further into my career. Just for kicks, if anything. Can't get too weird in an Eccentric Gentleman script.

I'm also working on two actual properties for Eccentric Gentleman Curiosities (EGC). I'm working on the first feature-length script, which I will hopefully film in Summer '11, but it's having some problems, on which I may go into more detail in the future. Essentially, when I started in, I was feeling in a very "dramatic" mood, and now I'm working my way back to my comedy style and I'm trying to reconcile the two, as I feel my recent depressions had negatively affected the script. We'll see how that goes.

The other is a Web TV series which is in pre-production right now and will hopefully be filmed and launched in April. April's going to be a busy month, but when am I not busy?

So, there you go, that's pretty much my professional life in a nutshell. Hope things are well with you all out there. Keep in touch, I'll try to do the same on my end.

Love,
CM

Words That I'm Bringing Back

Just thought you'd like to be ready for it:

bully!
oopsakadoodle
buckaroo
harrumph
capital idea
huzzah!

To be updated in future

Social Networking Rhetoric Terms for the 21st Century

1. Isism – The use of “is” and passive voice when updating a social networking website, regardless of whether your name actually comes before the sentence or not.
“Cody Melcher is loving James Joyce!”

2. Vocationaldestroyer – The use of a picture on your social networking profile, which is so damaging that no professional employer will ever pretend to even know your name.
“Cody Melcher? You mean the kid with the lampshade on his head?”

3. JKitis – When using sarcasm, due to the lack of a sarcasm text, the user will consistently put “JK” (Just Kidding) at the end of their message as to not directly offend the other person. Conversely, someone saying something offensive will often put “JK” at the end of their message to allow their insult to pass unnoticed.
“You’re a whore, JK.”

4. Awkwardlulz – When in online conversation, the user will put “lol” or “haha” when there is an awkward pause due to decline in actual conversation topic.
“And that’s how I learned to pickle an egg.” – “lol”

5. Toocoolforschool – The use of one’s social networking site to state how much one does not “fall in” with the masses and actually abhors social networking sites.
“About Me: I don’t like Facespace, just Email me if you want to talk.”

6. Openbookanism – Converse to “Toocoolforschool”, Openbookanism is the use of one’s social networking site to describe, in a complete and thorough manner, everything anyone would ever need to know about you, thus making actual conversation pointless.
“Oh, hey, I love Harry Potter, too.” – “I know, I saw it on your Facespace page under your middle name and story about your nonmalignant tumor.”

7. Cryforhelping – Posting depressing lyrics and/or commentary about your life for the obvious intent of having other people feel sorry for you and feed your ego.
“Cody Melcher is lost on a sea of sadness with no friends that care about him, think he’s cool, or would like to invite him to that party that’s going on tomorrow at Lindsey’s house.”

8. Hipbyassociation – Usage of random “cool” song lyrics by “hip” bands and songwriters which, when out of context, either make no sense or have nothing to do with you, but are used for the sheer purpose of appearing “unique” or “interesting”. Similar to cryforhelping.
“No place to hang out our washing. And I can't blame all on the sun, oh no. - EA”

9. Inappropriation – The discussion of inappropriate or intimate topics in public on social networking sites/blogs.
“Oh noes, my grandma died! RIP granny. :(”

10. Emotopunctuation - The usage of emoticons as punctuation to get the physical point across in conversation as to not be misconstrued.
“Lulz, my grandma came back from the dead :)”

11. Heylookatmyboobsing – When a girl crops the profile picture of her social networking page as to leave no doubts over her gender.
“Woah, I didn’t know Susie had a shirt that went that low.”

12. Iminloveandyournotia – When a new couple gets together and decides to change their profile pictures to be matching pictures of them kissing / holding hands / naked and in bed together. This is to prove to anyone that they are, in fact, in a relationship lest someone think that the constant status updates are a ruse.
“Oh, look at that, Robert and Janet are in a relationship, if only I could tell their profiles apart…”

13. Imgayning – Most forms of Imgayning can also be considered Iminloveandyournotia, however, the difference is, when a gay couple does it, it’s a massive political statement used to destroy societal norms, unlike when straight couples do it to be “adorable”.
“Wow, Robert left Janet for James and now they’re totally deconstructing my heteronormative metanarratives… I’m offended.”

14. “Randomquotation” – The misuse of “quotation marks” on social networking sites in the same capacity as the misuse of air quotes in real life, to emphasize with no actual need to use quotation marks.
“I feel ‘terrible’.”

15. Notbragging – Writing statuses and posts on social networking sites about achievements or how awesome you are without outright stating it, thus allowing the ability to subliminally brag about yourself.
“Cody Melcher was just told he’s the best student in the class by his professor. Yay!”

16. Passiveagressivepublicity – The use of public status updates or posts in order to make a point, harass or otherwise defame another user of the same social networking site because they will obviously see it.
“Cody Melcher is sorry that you can’t get over yourself.”

17. Likefriendliness – Using the “Like” ability in order to show that you still care about a person without having to be fully invested enough to actually have something to say about their life.

18. Passiveagressiveliking – Using the “Like” ability on friends’ negative self-deprecating status updates or posts in order to say that you agree with their low assessment of their life.
“Cody Melcher’s life sucks.” – “Jay Thomas likes this.”

19. Egotripping – Finding any excuse to create a Fan Page for yourself in order to enumerate how many of your friends are actually your fans.
“Cody Melcher suggests you become a fan of Cody Melcher.”

20. Publicguilttripping – Using status updates and posts on your social networking profile in order to guilt your friends into caring about you, your events or your likes.
“Cody Melcher would love you forever if you came and saw his show. His REAL friends will be there!”

NaNoWriMo! (And you can too)

So, I finally decided to make the jump. It may just be some sort of glad-handed attempt at proving my self-worth to... well, myself, but I'm going to do it. That's right, I'm doing National Novel Writing Month.

"What is National Novel Writing Month?" You may ask. Well, I couldn't hear you, but if you're asking it then you're lucky that I'm about to answer it anyway.

National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo as the cool kids call it) is a month-long writing event, starting November 1 and ending the night of November 30. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000 word) novel by midnight of November 30. You can join up by going to the above link and creating a profile where you can track your word count, keep in touch with other NaNoWriMos and then submit your novel on the 30th for approval.

What does approval mean? Merely that they'll ensure that you accomplished the 175 page/50,000 word finish line, much like a marathon.

What do you win? Self satisfaction, a new novel that you've written, and a certificate and sticker! Yay!

Anyway, while I'm trying to fight my way through writer's block and conflicts with stupid things like sleep and school, I decided that I would try and log my frustrations HERE on TALES OF THE ECCENTRIC because, well, I haven't really been doing much else here and maybe people will actually start reading this thing and I'll feel less crazy... maybe.

Onward to glory!!!

Final Cumulatives - The Murderous Puffin

The following is the result of beginning with the same starter statement "The puffin murders clowns" and then experimenting with adding different types of cumulative additions to the end of it. Like I said, these are the last ones (at least for awhile) so don't freak out and run into a wall. Enjoy.


1. The puffin murders clowns, stabbing them with his beak, grinding their bones to dust.

2. The puffin murders clowns, laughing wickedly, smiling viciously.

3. The puffin murders clowns, the clowns at the circus, the clowns that are not funny.

4. The puffin murders clowns, a vicious puffin, a vindictive puffin.

5. The puffin murders clowns, a pool of blood covering the floor, a sea of screams flooding the air.

6.The puffin murders clowns, an angry puffin looking for vengeance, a righteous soldier fighting for justice.

7. The puffin murders clowns, its eyes shining in the tent lights, its beak covered in clown guts.

8. The puffin murders clowns, madly thrashing about, cruelly diving to and fro.

9. The puffin murders clowns, the loud circus drowning out the screams, the carnival midway unaware.

How to Apply a Band-Aid

You must open the box of band-aids, turning the lid, crunching back the paper flap, creasing its spine, its rigid form bowing to your will, revealing to you a wealth of bandages. You then reach inside the package, diving deep into the recesses, forming a claw with which aid will be taken, its fingers poised to grasp, needing to grasp, hurting to grasp. You remove a band-aid from the box, releasing it from its habitation, removing it from abstinence, bringing it forth for its mission, a mission of salvation. You open the band-aid sleeve, grasping for an opening, tearing for an opening, searching for the blue strips, fondling for them, fumbling for them, wrenching open the sleeves, tearing lightly the band-aid in side with your force of need, the band-aid now revealed. You now remove the paper backing from the band-aid, sliding it from its mucusy grasp, plucking pleading paper from sticky safety. You place the bandage over the wound, careful not to misplace, sliding carefully on top, eyeing a proper moment, a moment to release the band-aid, a moment to place it carefully upon the wound, securing its safety, securing its clotting, securing that no blood will get on your white shorts. Next, you will remove the band-aid, a pain, a shooting pain, stabbing pain, wrenching pain, deafening pain, a pain with its own metaphor.

Rhetoric & Cumulative Sentences

So, in one of my Rhetoric classes, we are working on Cumulative Sentences and so many of the assignments revolve around crafting sentences with modifiers. To this end, I've formed a few that at least I enjoy, so I thought I'd share a few here...

Also, as a side note, I'm currently working on setting up an "everyday rhetoric" blog called RHETTORIC BUTLER... so, keep an eye out for that. As for the comic strip, I HATE PTS, I was offered a volunteer position with possibility of having the strip appear in issues of The Daily Texan. As for its own outlet digitally, there may be some on this blog, but there will be no steady outlet for it. Apologies, but university is running me ragged.

BOOK UPDATE: Outline finished, as soon as school balances out (in a few weeks), I'll begin headstrongedly on the novel itself. More to come, maybe... I'm not a fan of talking about what I'm working on.

Anyway, on to the sentences!

• Susan lost her eye, a slippery eye, an eye covered in marmalade, marmalade from her sandwich.

• The dog jumped the fence, a fence separating borders, borders at war, a war of land mines.

• Peter likes to paint paintings, paintings of horror, paintings of penguin massacre, penguins thirsty for blood, haunting the nightmares of the local town.

• The chipmunk shot the policeman, a confused policeman, a dangerous chipmunk, a wanted chipmunk, a chipmunk now wanted for murder.

• The poltergeist is back, back for more fun, fun that no one else likes, fun that gets dangerous, a poltergeist whom doesn’t understand personal boundaries.

• The puffin took to the sky, sky of endless blue, a puffin on his way to nirvana, nirvana only found through flying, its wings spread open wide, feathers glistening in the sunlight, its beak bright and cheerful, eyes weeping softly, its final voyage bringing joy to its heart.

• The man hit the woman, swinging his cane wildly, her screams echoing in the night, a night of stillness, a night of humidity, humidity bogging down the screams into mumbles, mumbles of a life once cherished, a life of joy, a life of marital bliss, a husband that once loved his wife, a husband now turned savage, his age destroying his mind, a mind once sharp now angry, an anger of stolen youth, knowing his wife to be the blame, his gentle wife, his caring wife, his wife now filled with fear and regret, her eyes filled with the loss of love his mother once had, his mother who loved him, his mother who left, his mother forced out by a man, a man as savage as he is now, a man who was his father, a circle that will never be broken.
(This was an attempt to see how far I could take a very simple beginning and modify it into a full and rich story which takes place in the moment when their eyes meet)

Comedy Rules & Prompts

The main rule that I learned in my sketch class @ Second City:

BUILD THE ROLLERCOASTER and LET IT RIDE
• First three lines:
o Who
o Where
o What


And now, some freeform prompts. We were shown objects and words and then given a few minutes to write on it. Enjoy.

PROMPT ONE: Diet Coke Can
My Principal once got aspertaine poisoning from Diet Coke and not only became gravely ill, but was almost entirely incapacitated at one point. Odd that something DIET that’s supposed to help you be HEALTHY could potentially kill you. I also don’t get the deal of diet soda. Meeting health halfway seems kind of like a half-ass attempt. Either be healthy or don’t, but trying to trick yourself is like setting your watch 10 minutes early. In really big crunches, you still know that your watch is ten minutes fast and will always end up playing with that time and STILL being late. It always ends up coming back and biting you. I’m reminded of Yoda. There is no try or try not, there is only do and do not.

PROMPT TWO: Wrinkled Khakis and One White Sock
I don’t understand the point of having a pair of nice pants rolled up in your backpack for later when you have a business meeting or a nice dinner. They end up getting horribly wrinkled and then, instead of just looking inconsiderate in shorts or casual pants, you look messy and unprepared in wrinkled pants. Also, white socks. I’m starting to get really annoyed by white socks. Unless you’re wearing brown or white shoes, there’s really no point to them. Too many people wear them with black shoes and it looks disgusting. Like, revolting. With sandals, they’re even worse, but that’s a whole thing of its own.

PROMPT THREE: Sabbatical
So, if a Rabbi was to not take a sabbatical on the Sabbath, would the universe implode or explode? My theory is implode and simply because it seems A) less messy and B) more realistic considering that were a Rabbi not to, the weight of that decision would, more than likely create some sort of hypothetical freedom-of-choice black hole which would suck the rest of the universe into it. Because, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that black holes can be created by free choice. Or, that’s what they tell me.

PROMPT FOUR: “Juleauxs”
I have sort of a love-hate relationship with the whole “eauxs” thing. While it makes sense, is different, and sounds very nice, it’s ultimately overused, confusing, and goes against basic teaching in English. Now, I know, it’s French. But, as a native English speaker, I’m used to things fitting into my categories, and this conundrum just creates initial problems. The same way that buses is first pronounced as “byuses” in my head.